Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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