I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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