Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
