im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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