i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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