If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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