WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize