can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
