So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize