Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
