I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
