2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
