if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
