Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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