my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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