Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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