11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
