You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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