he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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