Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
