i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
