Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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