If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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