My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
please come you make the beer taste better
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
