so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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