I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
