You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
