I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize