So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
