shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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