We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
