I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
