Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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