ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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