I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My dick has a subreddit
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize