Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
