Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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