We won't sleep together?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
