Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
