hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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