Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
