I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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