i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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