"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
