I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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