Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
