I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
