I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize