Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
