I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
