grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
