Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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