in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You don't make any sense
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