you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
