is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
time to smoke my breakfast
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
