the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Someone signed my nipple.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
