I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
