U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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