R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
