He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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