Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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