I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
