I smell stomach acid.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
