Nicole vs. Life
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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