there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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