Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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