wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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