i may or may not be watching the land before time
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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