I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
