my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
