Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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