I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
