By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
