I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Randomize
