I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
