Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
