cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
