I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
