I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
