I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize