Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize