mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
