My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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