pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
