so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
