wakey wakey hands off snakey
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
