She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
