She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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