i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize