i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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