I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
