omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
