I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize