today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
