Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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