yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
