My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
