Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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