Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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